Psalm 69, Isaiah 49:23

Psalm 69 is one of my favorite Psalms. It's been one of my heart-cry passages for a long time...for particularly difficult times when there was so much anguish, sorrow, frustration in my heart that I could barely put my thoughts into words (let alone, think) coherently.

Psalm 69:1-3
Save me, O God,
For the waters have threatened my life.
I have sunk in deep mire, and there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters, and a flood overflows me.
I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched;
My eyes fail while I wait for my God.

Reading exactly how I felt somehow always lessened the onslaught of emotion; King David put into words what I couldn't express, making an outlet for all the things that I had pent-up inside. Starting QT today with this Psalm sure did bring back some memories.

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Isaiah 49:23
Those who hopefully wait for Me will not be put to shame.

I'm not sure if I would say that I was hopeful when I was going through those hard times. Full of despair, extremely whiny, and rather self-centered would be more accurate. "My eyes are failing! F-A-I-L-I-N-G, FAILING God!!! Can you please SEE that!?!" (Clearly, my heart isn't *quite* where it's supposed to be....I'm so sorry, King David, for perverting your words. -____-) So yea...um...not very hopeful waiting. But, it's strange, right now, I don't feel too much shame either. What gives?

God's grace. Though it doesn't seem like I was particularly hopeful -- hope was there. Sure, I was complaining and whining and getting frustrated, but if I didn't have one inkling of hope...then I wouldn't have gone to God (does this make sense?). Hope isn't my feeling optimistic, sure, or happy about something, but hope is my being able to go to God and saying, "I can't get through this by myself. I'm so tired, broken, and defeated. Please. Help me. I'm failing." Hope is my being able to go to God. And I'm able to go to God because God has accepted me. Us. And God has accepted us because of the blood of Jesus, whom He sent to save us. God's grace!

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Strangely, I think I had more hope during hard times than I do now.
I can't remember the last time I cried out to God about *all* my troubles.

Psalm 69:13
But as for me, my prayer is to You, O LORD, at an acceptable time;
O God, in the greatness of Your lovingkindness,
Answer me with Your saving truth.

God wants my cries, wants me to tell Him what's lacking in my life. He wants me to go to Him for everything, even if I'm not so good at waiting. And then, at an acceptable time, He will answer me with His saving truth.


God, you are so good to me.